Priority
by pippin143
Summary: Garrus never wanted this to happen. He never asked for this kind of chance. Maybe somewhere in his darkest thoughts, but never for real. Especially during this kind of mission. This was the cost for letting himself indulge in his feelings. They were nothing but trouble. (Slight AU where FemShep asks Garrus who she should save. But she isn't the only one emotionally compromised.)


**Slight AU where FemShep asks Garrus about who she should save on the Virmire mission. But little does she know she's not the only one who is emotionally compromised. **

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><p>Garrus never wanted this to happen. He never asked for this kind of chance. Maybe somewhere in his darkest thoughts, but never for real. Especially during this kind of mission. This was the cost for letting himself indulge in his feelings. They were nothing but trouble.<p>

Shepard stared at him intently, her lips quavering so slightly that normal eyes would not notice it. But his visor saw everything. She was a nervous wreck inside. Pulse increasing rapidly, fidgeting and shaking fingers, irregular breathing and spiking temperature. And that quavering lip.

The commander was emotionally compromised.

She knew she could not make the decision with a clear head, so she had turned to Garrus. Of all the members, why did she always insist on picking him? Of course he was the best marksman and most rational of the crew, but it no longer felt good to be with her. It only hurt. And now she wanted his advice. Kaidan or Ashley? The bomb or the squad? Garrus what should we do?

What did she see when she looked at him? An ugly, foreign creature that was too hideous, too unthinkable for her to ever love. Ashley had made that point clear. Humans perceived Turians as ugly. What did she say? Something between a chicken and a dinosaur? Whatever those were, Ashely had said it with just enough venom for him to know it was an insult. She had told him to stay away from Shepard, to not ruin what she had with Kaidan.

But worst of all she had said Sarah Shepard could never love him for he was an alien.

And he should feel the same way, he told himself every time she came down to the cargo hold, every time she smiled at him, helped him realize how wrong and narrow minded he'd been about the world. How was it he couldn't get that small, soft-skinned, fleshy, smart, independent female out of his head? Ever since she stopped him from killing that disgrace of a doctor Saleon, he'd been crushed. She wouldn't let him get his way, but she didn't just assert her word like those idiots at C-Sec. She made him understand. What had she said? The words were now branded in his mind, a code he had sworn to live by, but her increasingly worried face was making it hard for him to think.

Oh yeah.

"You can't predict how people will react, but you can control how you will respond. In the end that's all that really matters."

He'd never met anyone like her and he knew he never would again. He had heard of interspecies romances, even seen a few on the Citadel, but never, never between a human and a Turian. But then again he'd never been one to follow traditional rules. He liked being a rebel.

"Garrus!" She repeated, armored hand reaching out and jostling him, snapping him back to reality, "What should I do? Kaidan and the bomb, or Ashely and the squadron?"

She trusted his judgment. She shouldn't. Not in this situation.

It would be so easy. Kaidan would die a hero and when Shepard fell apart he would be there to pick up the pieces, with or without Ashley's approval.

But this wasn't about love. This was about war.

The bomb was the sole objective of the mission and its situation had been compromised. Kaidan activated it prematurely and was being gunned at as they spoke. Damn hero told them to leave him behind. But they still had time to save him. But then there was Ashely and that whole Salarian crew in dire need A-team style backup. Should their lives be made forfeit over the Commander's lover affair? Ashely has insisted they save Kaidan, that her group could take care of themselves. Did she seriously want this Shelenko thing, as Tali had dubbed it, to last that badly?

They only had time to save one, and Shepard had passed the task over to him.

He couldn't do it. It was cruel and unusable and even if it did secure Shepard for himself he would never, ever be able to forgive himself. He'd find another way. Just like Shepard had taught him. He might not be able to control the outcome, but he could control how he would respond.

"We should go back for Lieutenant Alenko," he said gruffly, pinching his comm off so no one else could hear him but her. And Tali. "That bomb is our priority and we need to make sure it goes off. Like Alenko said, no matter what."

"Priority…" She breathed, closing her eyes and turning to the half-walled ledge. She slammed her hands down, bowed over in thought.

Garrus would have thought she stood like this forever if his visor had not been counting the seconds that passed. At the count of four she finally spoke.

"Alenko, she said, voice sure but sad, "radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the bomb site." She pushed herself away from the edge and stalked back the way we had just come, pulling her guns out with a brisk and angry pase."

"Yes, Commander…I…" Kaidan's voice was full of confusion and guilt.

"You know it's the right choice, LT." Ashely breathed dangerously into their ears.

"I'm sorry, Ash." Shepard said bitterly, tears pricking her eyes. "I had to make a choice."

There was a moment of complete silence. Shepard had stopped walking and was gripping her rifle in her hands. They were shaking and Garrus pretended not to notice.

"I understand, commander." Ashley said, her voice true to her words. "I don't regret a thing." Then silence.

Kaidan knew he didn't deserve it. But he had wormed his way into Shepard's heart, his soft words and empathetic attitude was exactly what she needed now, not some hell-raising Turian with a death wish. But Kaidan didn't deserve to live any more than Ashely and the squad, Garrus brooded as he too pulled his long rifle from his back. He really didn't.


End file.
